


One Step Closer To You

by deviantelle



Category: Dangan, Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, Dangan Ronpa: Trigger Happy Havoc, New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing
Genre: Angst, Anxiety Attacks, Bottom Oma Kokichi, Dangan Ronpa Spoilers, Depression, Developing Relationship, Eventual Fluff, Eventual Smut, Fear of Death, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Gay, Graphic Description, Light Dom/sub, M/M, Mental Anguish, Mental Breakdown, Mental Health Issues, Mental Instability, Nervous Saihara Shuichi, Post-New Dangan Ronpa V3, Power Bottom Oma Kokichi, Pre-Game Oma Kokichi, Smut, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, Top Saihara Shuichi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-22
Updated: 2021-02-26
Packaged: 2021-03-19 04:00:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,417
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29620269
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/deviantelle/pseuds/deviantelle
Summary: Post-game life has never been easy, but mixed with despairing nightmares and unwanted truths makes it almost unbearable. Kokichi Ouma is virtually irreparable - if it wasn't for a certain detective of his. And one late-night call might just be the start of letting old scars heal.
Relationships: Akamatsu Kaede/Iruma Miu, Harukawa Maki/Momota Kaito, Hinata Hajime/Komaeda Nagito, Oma Kokichi/Saihara Shuichi
Comments: 3
Kudos: 48





	1. Breathless

**Author's Note:**

> Hullo! Names devi, this chapter is abit of a vent so shame on my end, but i hope you take joy. Ill be updating ATLEAST every friday, maybe sooner. I plan to make this series abit long, please stick with me!

_His hands ball into fists, the pressure in his chest suffocating like someone was sitting on him. He felt a heat bubble in his throat...vomit, perhaps blood?_

_He didn't know. His brows furrowed in pain as his violet eyes took in the darkness before him. He didn't wanna die, he knew that. The noise in his throat was something next to pathetic, a mix between wanting to scream and cry. This couldn't be his fate right? The thoughts in his head raced, the feeling of cold metal along his exposed skin made him shiver and made his thoughts ring out like a web._

_The loud humming rang in his ears making his stomach turn with unease - fear. He knew he had to do this, his plan to end the killing game was flawless, he would save everyone! The scent of Kaito filled his nose. It made his head spin. He scrunched his nose in distaste, his breathing began to quicken as the humming grew louder._

_Oh god, he didnt wanna die. He never really wanted to die, he left so many things unsaid and everyone.. Does everyone hate him? His eyes widened in pure fear, clawing around him for something- anything- Shuichi- he needed Shuichi. He went to call out, to say anything he wanted to tell everyone how he truly felt, his plan, everything that there was to say._

With a loud, shrill scream he woke, scratching along his chest in pure fear and agony.  
Screaming and crying, hot tears rolling down his face as he hung his head low. 

"Oh God.. oh God I’m alive-" 

He chokes out another high pitched sob, his nails raking into his chest like unforgiving daggers tearing flesh and ripping down his ribs. It hurt so much. He choked back a final sob, his nails releasing his body from their bloody teeth as the surging pain only got worse.  
His eyes glazed over the blood dripping down his slim fingers, his purple nails decorated in the crimson river of his meltdown as he sniffled.

With a trembling hand he reaches for his phone on the nightstand, dropping it in his lap.

He clutched his head, it hurt ungodly amounts and he wanted to beat it in so badly. He felt the crushing pain of a thousand thoughts ramming into his small skull, causing him to wince. He craved Shuichi's presence. He battles with the thought in his head before deciding to pick his phone back up, untangling his hands from his dark purple knotted hair. He takes a deep breath, finding Saihara’s contact and hesitantly clicking it. 

The phone begins to ring. As it does, Kokichi tries to hold the burning acid in his stomach. He's starving, he hasn't eaten in God knows how long. He bites into his lip, worrying it between his teeth. It has been almost 15 seconds and Shuichi hasn't responded; Kokichi decided he probably won't. 

As he's about to end the call the phone picks up, and a soft voice on the other end causes Kokichi’s heart to race with a feeling of pure, unfiltered love. "Ouma, what's wrong?" His voice was soft and sweet like honey, it made Kokichi melt every time.

The sound of Saihara just woken up, tired, stirring in his sleepy voice.  
He repeats, "Ouma?", his voice growing more and more concerned. "Kokichi." he finally hisses, trying to get a response. 

Kokichi's mind was far from allowing him to talk, his empty gaze staring off. He heard Shuichi's voice ring through the air, but he was unable to process what was being said as he ended the call unconsciously. 

Shuichi's panic rose. He didn't know what to think, thoughts beginning to race through his head. Was Kokichi okay? Did he need him? He recalls a conversation he had with Kokichi. He had promised whenever Kichi had a nightmare that he could call him any hour of the night for comfort. Kokichi had never done so until tonight which only concerned Shuichi.

He got up out of bed, slipping his shoes on tugging at the tongue of the shoe, struggling for a minute before standing and sliding his jacket over his white shirt. He decided not to take the time to button his jacket and instead grabbed his car keys and dashed out the door.

His shoes skidded along the ground as he got to the car door, swinging it open with force. Slipping into the carseat and buckling himself in, he slipped his trembling hands on the steering wheel.

"Please be okay Kichi." His voice shook as his brows furrowed.

His hands were shaking far more than before upon arrival. His painted black nails hovered over the door handle. Did he forget his key? Oh God.  
He began violently searching his pocket. Kokichi never locked his door but Shuichi was given a key just in case he ever did. His throat got caught, his breath shallow and haunting.  
No, he can't let Kichi be alone.

Kokichi's body was shaking, him sitting with his legs crossed on his bed. He had just hung up the phone, he didn't even realize he had until now.  
He swallowed dryly, looking around the room. His room was pretty plain, he wasn't one to decorate that often. Rather, Miu would often come over and encourage him, contradicting his style with hers.  
He let out a small, breathy laugh, thinking about Miu now. He didn't have the energy to insult her in his head right now.

He looked around his room once more, landing his broken gaze along a small box in the corner of his room. His eyes lit up as he slumped out of bed, his legs refusing to work, so he crawled on his hands and knees across his carpet, eventually reaching his destination.  
Seeing the dark violet scarf Shuichi had picked out for him, he shifted so he sat on his knees. He grabbed the scarf and gave a melancholy stare, taking in the sight of it before him. 

Then, with both hands gripped the soft silky fabric, he brought it to his face and softly cried into it.  
Everything about Saihara fucked with him.

_"K-Kichi, I...uhm-"_

_Kokichi laughed, mocking his stuttering, "Mr. Detective, how do you plan to give me a gift if you stutter like a fool?" He gives a patronizing smile, taking the packaged gift and examining it. "So detective, you’re shit at wrapping."_

_Shuichi’s face went red. Did Kokichi really-_

_"Don't get so tied up, you're giving ME a gift so don't be full of yourself!" Kokichi huffs, tearing open the neat wrapping paper like a savage._

_Once his small, frail fingers landed on the silk material. His breath caught in his throat._

_Shuichi's eyes met his. The detective looked flustered "Oh! If uhm- if you uh.. dont l-like it i can always- ..give it to someone else?"_

_Kokichi stayed silent, brushing his fingers along it. It was an elegant violet, with white, thin-lined patterns running along it._

_"I hate it."_

_Shuichi took a deep breath. Did Kokichi really mean that?  
Kokichi glared at Shuichi. He fully took the scarf, pulling it over his purple hair and gently resting it on his neck as he began to tie it.  
Once finished he looked down at it, and for just a split second his mask fell. He felt so melancholic. _

_Shuichi looked away nervously, and Kokichi laughed at the action, "You are such an idiot," he says hugging Saihara, "My Shui~"_

_His reaction to being hugged by the smaller boy was a small pink tint to his cheeks and a small smile with a nervous laugh._   
_"Love you too."_

Crying softly into the scarf, clutching it with desperate heaves, the tightening in his chest began getting worse and worse. He toyed with his thoughts before slumping on the floor on his side, curling his knees to his chest, the scarf still pressed up against Kokichis now wet face, hot tears still streamed lightly down his pale face. He craved to hold Shuichi. He let out a soft hiccup. The scarf smelled like Shuichi, that's what he loved most about it. His beloved smelt like sweet honey, a calming aroma that made everything seem a little better, a little closer.

"I don't wanna be alone, I wanna be closer.."


	2. Too Close For Comfort

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kokichi's not one for emotions. Shuichi isnt very content with that. Some cracks start to form.

Shuichi's blood pounded in his ears, the thumping of a thousand horrible thoughts and ideas drowning him. He looked around, lost in thought. He could find a way in if Kokichi didn’t answer - could he not? Shuichi's mind wandered to Kokichi; thinking about the boy made things seem even more urgent. Lately Kichi has been off and it's scary to Shuichi, because he has not a clue what the boy is truly capable of doing to others or  _ himself _ .

His eyes drifted for a minute before he decided to take the easy route, slamming his fists into the hard wooden door.

"Kokichi!" he yelled, hoping for an answer of some sort.

A few bloody seconds of silence passed before he perked at the sound of distant rustling and footsteps from inside the house. He patiently stood there, his eyes scanning the door for anything, expectantly waiting to see the loving face of Kichi. His soft white skin with a deep contrast to his dark purple hair that Shuichi always had the undying urge to run his hands through it, to press kisses to the top of his head and lovingly hold him to his chest. This made Shuichi blush profusely and stutter a cough when the door swung open to reveal the exact sight he expected.. although something seemed off. 

Kokichi’s normally wide, bright eyes seemed duller, his body more slumped than usual. Shuichi's eyes scanned over his entire body to which Kokichi felt it was rather a judging look. Shuichi saw that Kokichi’s hands were shaking, and his eyes had deep dark bags under each of them. He looked tired. Shuichi gave a calming smile, taking a step forward and laying a kiss on Kokichi’s cheek. 

"You needed me?" he questioned, tucking a piece of hair back from Kichi’s face. The action made the smaller boy's face flare red. 

"Hah- I’m fine Shuichi, I only needed you here to serve the leader himself~!"

Even Kichi’s voice was shaky. Saihara began to question the severity of this, immediately gaining a worried expression, his hand coming to gently lay along Kichi’s chest.

The action made Kichi flinch back defensively and look almost offended. His eyes met Shuichi’s and he felt an entirely new emotion he would never be able to explain. 

"K-Kichi?"

Shuichi held his hand to his own chest, inspecting it like it was a dagger he used to stab and gut his boyfriend with. His brain began to work, trying to click the dots together on why Kokichi was acting this way. 

_ What did I do wrong? _

Unfortunately, Kichi was fast. He cut through Shuichi's thoughts painfully with his overly high pitched voice.

"Ohhh Shuiii, I shall let you in now!" His voice was joyful, he was simply happy to have his lover here.

Shuichi agreed, slipping past Kokichi and entering his small home with a sigh. Tired eyes landed on Kichi, who stood next to him with a small head tilt and wide eyes. 

"Mr. Detective, are you tired?" Kokichi’s voice teased, as he leaned closer to Shuichi, beyond happy to be within his presence. 

Shuichi clicked his tongue before giving a half-loving, half-tired gaze at his lover, "Mhh, a tad bit, b-but nothing I can't handle for y-you."

Kokichi looked smug, holding a malicious grin with his signature hand gesture. "Nehehe, my Shui lovvvvess meee.."

Shuichi rolled his eyes, giving a soft smile. He grabbed his lover's hand and guided him to the couch. They stood there for a moment, staring at each other, before laughter rang through the air.

"Mr. Detective, you seem so tense, am I that intimidating?" he questioned with a smug look.

Something was oh so very off, the small shudder in his smaller boyfriend’s voice setting off alarms in Shuichi's head. Although Kichi gave him a signature smile...

He didn't buy it, the tired look in Kichi’s eyes was evident, the pained expression he hid so very well becoming clear with his distress. Shuichi cleared his throat before mustering a soft but very tired voice.

"Kichi, you called me here for what?"

"I didn't call you here, I simply called you. You came on your own idiot, or did you forget already?" he says with an innocent head tilt.

Shuichi now felt uneasy, he's had more than one talk with Kokichi about the insults. He was tolerable of the lies because he was easily able to see through like a glass wall. Insulting took it to a level Shuichi couldn't understand, his brows furrowed and his mouth tasted sour.

"Kichi.." He gave a stern yet concerned look, but Kokichi wasn't dealing with this shit.

"What, you're gonna tell me I'm wrong, lover boy? Nehehe, it's almost as if I don't want you here!"

_ An obvious lie, but why did he make it so- out there? _

The venom laced in Kokichi’s happy tone almost made Shuichi physically flinch. Rather, he just looked away uneasily.

Kokichi made the first move, sitting on the couch and glancing at the other end indirectly, inviting Shuichi to sit with him. The taller boy silently accepted, sitting across from his now venomous and sour lover. Shuichi's mind was working, gears turning so fast he couldn't even focus on what Kichi was saying until he heard his name being hissed.

"Saihara, are you even listening? Wow, you really are dumb huh?" 

Shuichi's eyes fell on Kokichi and he looked hurt. This constant stream of insults was getting under his skin. 

He decided to try for some small talk. "Did you..uh maybe w-want to watch a movie, K-Kichi? I have uhm.. work in a few h-hours so no promise I'll stay awake much longer." His tone was calm and boring.

"Nah, I rather not," Kichi said nonchalantly. 

Shuichi knowingly rolled his eyes. "O-Okay i'll find a movie then," he said, reaching for the remote.

Kichi seemed off, but Shuichi didn’t want to pry into it anymore than he had tried, since the smaller boy usually didn't like having his emotions looked at too closely. 

He stopped flicking through movie options with the remote, his mind drawing a blank.

He thought of ways to make this better, his mind filtering through options on what to do.  _ Should I comfort Kichi? Maybe not, he already shoved me away and acted like I hurt him when I touched his- _

His eyes fluttered to Kokichi who was staring daggers into him. He was talking, but Shuichi couldn't hear it. 

_ Wait, is he saying something??? _

Rather than asking the boy to repeat, he leaned over to Kokichi who was facing him, his body stretched across the couch as he got up close and personal to Kokichi who was now confused. 

"Mr. Saihara, if you  _ wanted _ to make out-" He's suddenly and abruptly cut off.

He was cut off by the sharp stinging, Shuichi now in between his legs with his hand pressed up against Kokichi’s chest which flared in agony. He hissed, trying to get the man off him, but Shuichi was so worried...  _ so hurt _ he didn't even notice Kokichi’s reaction. The man was on full autopilot.

_ Kokichi…  _

"Shuichi!" Kokichi hissed, tears filling his eyes, his eyes that held so many emotions.

Shuichi lifted his head, meeting those beautiful eyes, the eyes that told a thousand truths within his lover.

_ I want to fix you Kokichi Ouma. _

As he was running his fingers along Kokichi's chest, watching his face twist in pain, he had a million thoughts flooding his skull.

_ Did you do this to yourself, Kokichi? How bad is it  _ **_really?_ ** _ Why would you do this? Is it because of- _

His golden orbs pierced into Kokichi and when Shuichi's hand began to lower down to the hem of his shirt, oh so slowly lifting his shirt up, that's when he snapped.

In a flurry of motion, Kokichi slapped Shuichi across the face. The action buzzed in the air, the sound like a grenade in the silence and the only thing left to be heard was the shallow heaves from Kokichi as his eyes welled with tears.

Shuichi finally snapped out of his trance, seeing what he had done. He saw Kokichi’s horrified expression, violet orbs gazing into his soft golden ones. He felt a pang of guilt in his heart, his eyes flicking back down to the long scratches on his lovers chest, his shirt halfway lifted exposing more of his right side than his left. 

"K-Kichi? Did you do this to yourself?" He asked, ignoring the sting along his cheek.

"No, I didn't," he said with a grumpy eyeroll, huffing and looking away. His hands were now clutching the couch like his life depended on it, his dark purple nails threatening to rip holes. Examining them closer, Shuichi could see the faint stain of cracked dry blood on them. From there he made his decision.

"Kokichi, I-I need you to relax," he stuttered, his hands drifting along the smaller boy again, and to his surprise his muscles only tensed. No slap, no aggression. "Thank y-you."

His hands were gently running across the boy's skin. Shuichi was so lost in his own head.

_ Oh Ouma, why? I should have come sooner- no I need to start spending the nights. I can't believe you'd hurt your perfectly delicate body. _

_ I need to know why. _

Kokichi sucked in a sharp breath, the purple haired boy was now more sprawled out. The feeling of his fingers ripping into the couch and his now sore turning red knuckles made him feel gross. He didn't understand this, he hated this so much, yet at the same time getting real physical contact from Shuichi can be hard.

Shuichi's hand drags away from the boy, and Kokichi’s breath goes from shallow and deep to soft calm pants. 

"I hated that," he stated, glaring into Shuichi's eyes. Although Shuichi knew the truth, leaning in and gently pressing a kiss to Ouma's cheek. 

"Ouma, it's late," he murmured back, looking at the time and grimacing at how tired he will be the following morning. "I should head home. Will you-" Kokichi cut him off, wrapping his arms around Shuichi's neck tightly. He understood clearly, and sighed, sinking into the embrace with his hand reaching back along the soft couch, grabbing a folded blanket before settling on top of Kokichi. He pulled Kokichi’s shirt back down and laid his head on the smaller boy's chest softly, careful not to hurt him anymore.

They slept the night, Kokichi never let go until around 3 hours later when Saihara’s alarm went off and he had to pry himself from the warm comfort of his lover. He headed for the door and paused, taking a glance back at his sleeping lover. He let out a small laugh. Kokichi always slept in funny positions and even now he didn't fail to impress Shuichi.

He got into his car, keys clicking into the ignition, and he headed home. His mind buzzed lightly from the tired atmosphere but he still got home, getting dressed properly and making it to work on time. 

His day didn't go as planned. His mind couldn't stop thinking about Kokichi, connecting the dots on what happened, how to help, what to avoid-

"Shuichi." The stern voice of Kyoko, his superior, rang through his skull. Looking up from his desk, he met her cold purple eyes, "You haven't done a single thing regarding the case, have you." It wasn't a question, it was a statement. He gulped and looked away, his face flushed. His hands balled into fists under the desk.

"I’m s-sorry Mrs. Kirigiri, it w-wont-"

Shuichi is abruptly and swiftly cut off with a sharp demanding tone.

"Saihara, clearly you have something going on. This job is no joke, you have people, families, waiting for you to solve this case. Until you can figure this out i'm going to have to put you on leave." She finished speaking, crossing her arms and arching her eyebrow. The way she stood in the doorway like an expecting mother made Shuichi shudder.

He packed his belongings for the day, not bothering to argue. 

_ This is a perfect chance to strengthen me and Ouma's relationship, right? _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was a pain to write, and thanks to my close friend riz to proofread it for me <3


End file.
